I went through a time when I had to make some tough decisions but I followed through because I felt in my Spirit that God was going to bless my situation if I followed His Instruction. So I stepped out on a limb, very uncomfortable with the circumstances but trusting that I had heard from God. Shortly after having done so I realized that it was not a decision that I would enjoy but I could not turn back. I was forced to follow through because NO other options where available. Not one! Even relationships that I thought God was going to use in this process quickly soured. I looked around and said to myself that my vision was wrong! Everything I had trusted to work had failed. I was stuck in a twilight zone of making an awful decision.

I was officially scarred because I couldn’t believe something that I saw so clearly would turn out so different. I lost faith in my ability to hear from God. I started to doubt myself every time I needed to make a decision. Can you imagine how much of a limbo I was in never deciding on anything, sitting around with my hands in the air afraid to choose and afraid to make a move for the fear of failing again? Fear and anxiety had taken over me. I no longer trusted myself and God can’t do anything for us if we won’t make a decision.

James 1:5-8

 ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸ he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Yep that was me! I had become every bit of that double-minded man and unstable is a very appropriate way of putting it.

After talking God’s ear off for months I decided to stop talking and listen. If I couldn’t hear anything I remained silent and listened harder. I let my prayer request become meditation time. I let go of my inner turmoil and decided to trust again. Trusting God and trusting that even if I failed that he would turn it around for my good.

Romans 8:28

²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Lord, it felt so good to just let it go! Even though things had not panned out the way I hoped I gained a lot of insight about life, relationships (business and personal) and Faith that I had not had before.  I learned how to dig into myself and pull out the strength I needed. Even better than that was the fact that I gained time from God to prepare for the next phase of my life. It was the right decision after all. It didn’t feel as warm and cozy as I would have liked it too, but it most definitely produced the results that I needed. Now I can trust God and myself again.